Learning to fill my cup

Happy Monday evening! It's sunny but chilly in NYC. I'm so anxious for 70 degree weather every day. Patience. I know it's coming. I must be patient. :-)

This weekend I read an in-depth interview about Oprah. Usually, Ms. O is doing the asking, but in honor of her magazine's 10th year anniversary she decided to invite a few of her readers and fans to her Chicago office to ask her anything. It was quite thought-provoking and she was very open--which is no surprise.

I have been an Oprah admirer since I first saw her show when I was 13 years old. I still remember the TV ad promoting her new show, there was a crowd in the street and someone (I think it was Oprah) was shouting "Oprah's coming, Oprah's coming!" I see it vividly in my mind. I was drawn to her as a teen. I found her refreshing, and fun, and compassionate. When, I went on to major in broadcast journalism in college, I also realized that what she does--interviewing folks and getting them to share their darkest secrets-- is truly a gift. It is much more challenging than it looks. She has "it." That quality to make one feel safe, comforted and listened to. Not to mention, she's also a darn, good actress. I LOVE her in The Color Purple. Did you know she ad-libbed that scene at the table during Thanksgiving dinner? That was superb! She's really quite comical too--wonderful sense of humor. (I will meet her one day--that's on my bucket list. :-))

"You are built not to shrink down to less but to blossom into more. "- Oprah, Feb. 2003, O Magazine

I wanted to share an excerpt of the interview that really stuck with me. One of the questions asked to Oprah: How has the public scrutiny you've had to endure affected your life?
Oprah's answer: Years ago, it made me cry a lot because I'm such a pleaser. I would say that's my single greatest character flaw: the importance I put on wanting to be liked. That comes from having been abused as a child—being beaten and not even being able to be angry or to have any emotions about it. I was trained to believe that other people's feelings were more important than my own, and that only through pleasing somebody could I be loved. It has taken me 56 years to overcome that. And by the way, in all those 56 years I have never once called my parents to share anything with them. Not "I got a job," "I met a guy," "I made a million dollars"—not once, ever. I'm in awe of people who felt their parents' love every day of their lives. They start out in the world with a full cup. The rest of us go through life trying to fill ours.

This stands out to me because, as a child, teen and much of my 20s, I also wanted to be liked. I wasn't necessarily a people pleaser. However, I longed to be included and wanted and accepted by others. I spent a lot of time feeling I was not good enough, not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not this, not that. Just never accepting of myself. I was lacking self esteem and it was not fun. It took me many years to finally stop hurting myself (mentally) and start accepting myself for all I was and was not. Because as long as I lacked self-love, I would never fully be at peace or evolve & become the me God made me to be. It didn't happen overnight, and I'm certainly still on my journey to being a strong, self-assured, and self-loving being. But, thank God I'm no where near how I used to be. I took time to learn myself. I now take responsibility for my life. I can't blame my childhood, though it does deeply shape us. I can acknowledge what I lacked for whatever reasons they may be. Forgive and get the best out of my journey from this point on. Everyday I am putting drops in my cup of love. I've learned the more I love and like myself the easier it is to love others. It sounds like a cliche, but it so very true

I appreciate Oprah for sharing her journey with me. She's really inspired me, made me laugh, and helped me to stretch my mind on things concerning this life we're so blessed to be given. It's taken a while, but I really do like me! I wish her everflowing self-love and self-acceptance.

Here's to YOU and; here's to ME! Have a soulfully, sweet week!