I was feeling mighty low

Hello and welcome to now, today, more of this, less of that. Life. I’m in the mode of discovering. The last year has been filled with beautiful highs and major lows. The highs, of course, I welcomed with open arms. Probably, my biggest joy of the year was getting married to a man that makes me smile and who is a sincere confidant. It is a blessing to share the good and the bad with someone you trust and love! My hope was to get married, move, get settled into our new home and life, and grow our family with a bundle of joy, a baby. And to my surprise, it seemed to be going just as I had hoped when I discovered soon after our honeymoon I was expecting. How perfect, I thought….Yet, it didn’t turn out as planned. I lost the baby more than 4 months into pregnancy. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to experience. It’s been difficult to share this. Difficult to overcome the sadness of losing something I wanted so dearly. Difficult to overcome feelings of failure you feel. Difficult to move on and feel joyful again. 

The fact is I was feeling mighty low, for a while about it. Even though, I know that people have endured worse in this life. People have gone through all types of loss and come out soaring. But, that doesn’t always ease the pain. It takes faith, solid support, and being strong enough to let go of all the hurt. It takes time. In life, I have learned that I will not always know the “whys” or “hows” about certain experiences. I have also learned that the most heartbreaking situations do make you stronger. And in the hard times, I can discover more about myself. Increase my faith. Develop more self-love. Believe that even when I feel alone, God is always with me. The sun always comes out again, just be patient, it will shine again.

It’s been a year of strength-building experiences. Six months ago, a part of me went on to a better place.  Seven days ago, a new light entered this world through my sister. Seeing this darling being makes my heart smile. I can’t say that I don’t want to one day experience giving birth or bringing life into this world, myself. However, I feel a tingle of peace knowing I can be a part of my newest nephew’s life. I can love him, hold him, encourage him, laugh with him, play with him. He is a gift to all of us. So grateful for his healthy life. So grateful for my sister. So grateful for continued healing inside and out. Life is an ongoing lesson. I hope to learn each lesson with grace and strength.

I was feeling mighty low is a line from my favorite movie, The Color Purple, said by one of my favorite people, Oprah Winfrey. Each time I watch that film and Oprah begins her amazing monologue at the dinner table in Mister’s house, I am brought to tears. So this line totally describes how I was feeling, because she goes on to say that when she saw Celie, basically when she felt love that Celie was showing her by helping her that day in the store, she felt God, she knew there was a God. And that’s how I feel about this newborn that has come into my family’s life, the love I feel for him has lifted me. Throughout this last year, love has lifted me. Love from God expressed through living angels in my life ~my husband, my parents, my sister, cousins-Danielle, Michelle, Candace, close friends, and now my precious, baby nephew. I know for sure that love makes life worth living. Love is people. Love is giving and feeling alive and useful. I pray I can be love and give more love as I keep growing through this journey. 

Sending the warm arms of love and gratitude your way. Tag you’re it!

“It is important to remember that when something big changes in our lives, it means something better is coming. There cannot be a vacuum in the Universe, and so as something moves out, something must be coming in to replace it. When change comes, relax, have faith, and know that the change is ALL GOOD. Something more magnificent is coming to you.” ~The Secret Daily Teachings

“I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.”—Og Mandino